what makes me human

                             Lord, please make it all right. Please let me feel confident about my future and not all this anxiousness and confusion that's robbing me of my joy. Pastor says in order for me to know where I'm going I should know where I am first, and this is where I am at the moment. Nothing seems to be where it should, and I am worried, I am tired, I am confused, and I feel miserable. Your word says, You know all the plans You have for me, plans that will not harm me, but prosper me in every way possible-- and I'm holding unto that promise, but please, make it all clear to me, let me know I'm on the right path, that I'm doing the right thing, because at this very moment, of all that is seriously happening, I feel so lost. I don't know what to expect anymore, and whenever I talk to people about the stuff happening, about my brother and I leaving, I would always get this facial response that I don't like, that I never like. It's like this expression that nothing is ever going to go right. And well now, given the negative things that come as hindrances, its so easy to believe that we're not on the right path. That this was a mistake, or somewhere along the way we dreamt too much, or maybe made irrational decisions-- decisions that are quick and not-thought of properly-- but we're already in it so deep that I feel like there's no other way out anymore. I mean with the school enrollment coming to a close, and with the visa application not really going with how we expect it to go, we're like stuck in the middle of nowhere and forced to make, to think, or act on the decisions we made-- or decisions we have to make. And it's somehow crippling, because nothing is ever constant, some days we're in, other days we're out. And it's ironic how time is flying way too fast but everything is going too slow for us-- the visa application, the matters concerned, even the solution to the discrepancies are so slow in arriving, time is already gobbling us up. And I just had to be honest about it all, because I don't want to pretend as if I know what we're doing, because right now I really don't, I have no clue, and people add more to that burden of cluelessness I feel. I feel so lost already, and others still feel the need to make us feel lost all the more. It's frustrating.

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