i miss home

                     It's almost seven in the evening here, but the sky still has some light in it. I always said to myself when I first got here that maybe there was some mistake with the time, six a.m. sure looks and feels like four a.m. and seven p.m. is still as bright as past five in the afternoon. Church bells are ringing, the room is awfully quiet, and I'm all alone trying to be inspired. Posts on facebook about the semester coming to an end are endless, and I somehow feel left behind by the world. Well, technically left behind by my classmates and friends. I cope by telling myself that everything happens for a reason, but when I think of the worst feeling, I ask what the hell is the reason anyway? I guess for everything there's a price, and the price that I had to pay to come here was of so much worth that I'm bothered whenever I remember that I was supposed to enroll this year. Ugh, people always tell me that in the end everything will just fall into place, well, when will that end be? Time just seems to stop right at the moment when you want to fast forward to the future, and time flies fast when you want it to be dead slow. The world is so unfair. I never thought that when I'd come here I would have to literally sacrifice my friendship and relationship with the people that I love. I thought it'd be so easy since I'd been moving for most of my life and everywhere I went I always had a soul to touch, or a person to reach out to even with cultural differences, and language barrier-- I thought wrong. Even my own race seems distant from me, and it's just so hard to relate to everything else. I know that I'm just new here, and everybody has their own adjusting phase, but why does mine have to be so difficult? I mean, we're all just humans, and in one way or another we relate with each other, but I just don't. Whenever there's a moment for me to relate language always gets in the way, or culture, or upbringing, and I was brought up to be flexible in everything and with everyone, and not being able to just gets me frustrated. The only thing I could ever do right is to smile, at least that connects me with people, aside from that, nothing-- words just seem to get away from me, even emotions. But I am trying, I'm trying so hard to adjust, and to cope, and to fit in. But being myself doesn't seem to fit in this world, I'd have to be somebody else. Ironic how I was always the one to tell other people that being yourself at all times would make you fit in, and now being myself doesn't actually fit me in. Maybe for some they'd fit in perfectly, but when you're like me whose so slow at relating to green jokes, and reading between the lines, better find other people who are as slow as you. lol. I actually just miss my friends, the friends who loved me for being slow, the friends who laughed at my stupidity but cherished me all the more, the friends who taught me little by little the things that everybody has to learn someday but not criticizing me along the way, the friends who listened to my every whim but never forced anything on me, to my friends who will read this, I miss you guys! I miss school, and I miss being with people who bring out the best in me.