almost there

               Lately I've been so caught up with my photographs that I seem to have forgotten to update on my life-- yes my life-- including the things happening, and going about these past few weeks. Well, for starters, I've been living in and out of our place going on long trips to far away places--by far I mean an hour away by bus-- to live for a day or two at my Aunt's house because I needed help in going to and fro the Italian Embassy and National Statistics Office. I just had to stay there because believe it or not I am scared of commuting alone-- yes, the self-proclaimed traveler is actually scared of traveling alone in the big city. What an irony! I know, this sounds pretty dumb, but I just can't stand having no one by my side in a busy city full of so many strangers, I wasn't used to this kind of life, and I'm still trying to figure out how I can save other people from the inconvenience I'm causing them every time I ask for someone to go with me. It feels weird because back in Cebu I know how to find my way around the city or at least I think I do, but here in Manila it's just so wide and I think I'll get lost and when I do I won't be able to find my way back ever. I sound like a five year old.

                Putting all that aside, what also bugs me is the fact that I get frustrated whenever I'm stressed or pressured to chase after a deadline that seems impossible. Okay, cramming on plates is one thing, but chasing after the Italian Embassy's deadline is another. With plates I work on my own, with legal documents you always have to go under certain processes that for most if not all consume your time and energy. Plus you got other people working on it so you can't be assured as to how fast or how slow-paced their work is, one thing for sure is that: it always takes time. And usually what happens whenever I get frustrated is I cry-- a lot! I just feel so horrible I become mean. And that's not even a metaphor, it's a sad fact that I, along with everyone else, has to deal with. Now that you know all about my drama of fear, impatience and frustration, let's get to the good part: God at work in my life.

                Yes, yes, all that talk about how pressure can surely put a lot of weight on your shoulders is quite true-- tested and proven. But, not all stories end in tears, and I know mine surely won't end in one (or if it did, maybe with tears of joy and happiness) because God has surely shown Himself faithful throughout the whole journey even if my wavering mind almost always got in the way of my faith. I have been tested before and I am still being tested now, but it's good to know that even if I took a thousand of these life-tests God would always be guiding me in every path I only have to listen to the voice that's inside my heart. All that preaching that has been going on in the church about being led by the Holy Spirit has gotten me to this point in my life where I am becoming more and more confident in the decisions that I'm making big or small. I have always believed that everything happens for a reason and that no single thing is an accident, that is why my prolonged stay here in this country is not just some product of my parents negligence-- although to the natural eyes it may seem so-- it has a purpose and now I believe I know in my heart what that purpose is: for me to touch other lives, to become a part of something more, and to know more of God's own heart. After months of staying I realized I had a lot of things inside me that needed fixing before I go, and I needed a lot of life's realizations to sink in. When I look back I think about how my experience in Cebu has helped shape me as a person, and when I look at it now I come to realize that my experience here in Manila has also helped in building up my character. So everything that happens in our lives comes with a purpose and we don't have to worry whether  the situation is good or bad because God would always find a way to make something good out of pitch black darkness. In short, if we're in a bad situation God would do something to make it work for us, for our good. Like what He did with our visas, the situation was so bad I thought of quitting, but just when I was about to surrender and lose hope I made a decision to wait on Him and to not rely on what the estimates say because someone once preached that when God guides He blesses, and I held on to those words and I'm glad I did. Just this week I was informed that I will receive the papers I need in less than a month and to really hear that with an audible voice is just so overwhelming but I knew deep within me that it was supposed to happen because God has already blessed this trip from the moment it was planned. Waiting for a miracle to happen is one thing, but waiting on God for something to happen is another. The latter is always better, because miracles will always happen when faith is at work. So there goes my two month story put in a summary. A lot has happened, a lot of decisions have been made, a lot has been learned, but the only decision I'm glad to have made was choosing God and learning from Him.

 This is my best definition of love from the Bible and yes it has no connection whatsoever to the long paragraphs above.