updates

                         It's been like forever! I missed the blank page, the unwritten words, the anticipation that tugged at me everytime I would be close to finishing one post. I've long been longing for that inspiration of some sort to flow right through me, and maybe push me to write even just one word, but it never came, instead I got preoccupied with the wrong things, at the wrong times. So much for being time wise.

                     In other news, I have a job! Yey! I was hired to write articles about the places I'm in, and have been to. It's actually my first, I've been writing all my life but I never get paid for the things I write. Now finally, not only do I get to do what I love, I also get paid doing it. It's not really something that huge, but it's big enough for me. Who would've thought that these random travels, and experiences would actually amount to something in the future? Not me-- never even thought of it in my dreams. God is just so good, always. And aside from the articles, I also get to contribute my own photos, plus I get to have credits for them. So yeah. That side of my life has been greener.

                       I have also been learning a lot from the Italian language! Thanks to Nessa and her mom, I've been attending the language class Nessa goes to-- her mom convinced me to go and paid for my enrollment, I couldn't refuse. Besides, I didn't have anything to do but stay in the house all day, and isolate myself. Grazie Zia Ana e Nessa! I've been learning how to make sentences, and I can understand the language more-- no more mouth-wide-open-staring-blankly episodes when people speak to me in Italian. Ha! Maybe if I get to stay until May, (hopefully, with fingers crossed) then I'd be able to actually speak Italian. We shall all wish for that, but for now, I will just have to enjoy the moment, and savor every minute of it.

                         Hmmm, what else? Oh yeah! I went to Verona and Venice! Yes, Verona and Venice! I just had to repeat it for lack of a better statement to follow the first one. And all that I can and will ever say is that IT WAS MAGICAL. Verona was fun, especially with the snow and all-- my first experience with snow and I had to wear non-snow boots, somebody slap me! Venice on the other hand, was, VENICE, straight out from the movies, in all it's romantic glory. When I first stepped out the train terminal, I just had to stop myself from "awwww-ing". But all those details will go to another post, because I can go on and on about how beautiful Verona and Venice was, but not this time, not on this post. Anyways, I wouldn't have been able to experience all of that, if not for a great friend Ate Jeyb, who went through all that trouble of convincing my inconvincible mom, and actually going out of her way to accompany me, thank you!

                           December has so far been so good to me. God put me in a church that is just starting to have their youth group, I have been offered to join in the ministry, and He placed me in the midst of people He knew I would need at this moment. I have been trying to survive lately, and by survive I mean literally survive. My mom's been planning to send me home-- by force. And honestly it has been driving me insane trying to argue with her on that because I simply do not want to leave just yet. I knew the moment I stepped foot in Rome that my mom was going to make me leave sooner, I just didn't know it'd be as soon as when I receive my permit to stay. Every other conversation we had, there would be moments where she would urge me to prepare myself because I would soon be leaving and it killed me everytime she would do that. I resorted to taking my own drastic measures-- I looked for a job-- just so I could fend for myself and not have my mom choking me in the throat just because I was her daughter. Yup, the rebel inside me was being raised to life again, but fortunately God found a way around it. What had been the result of my job hunt, was the church finding me, and offering me and my mom options just so I couldn't leave right away when the time comes, they wanted me to really enjoy my stay here so they offered me shelter. My mom and I haven't talked about it that much, but at least it's better now because I know I have options. See this is why I couldn't bring myself to write about anything. Glad I let that out of my chest now. God will forever be good. He is my best Christmas present.

                               Wishing you guys a wonderful, merry, christmas wherever you are! And oh, for a sneak peek here's a shot of the gondolas in Venice, hope you love it!

taken with a point-and-shoot

going away

                I don't even know where to start. I've been wanting so much to do a quick update on the fast track of events happening in my life, but I fail every time I think about the words to say. First things first though, I want to thank God for the faithfulness He has manifested in my life, and in my walk with Him. I never would have imagined the last week to be so blissful and just so fast-- like thunder and lightning. I never would have thought I would build relationships with people I now call friends much less be saddened by my own going away trip. It does bug me that I have to leave right away-- but God does have the perfect timing for everything in our lives. And though I may not know why or how, I know that in all things I can trust Him. The days from now, feel like a sleep away and everything just seems to pass by so fast, I feel like I am pressured to keep up! Yes, I am going to Rome. I have finished all that there is to finish regarding the requirements, the documents, and I am therefore eligible for travel. Yey! Sounds cool and exciting right? Well, it is actually, but believe it or not, I am somehow having the pre-departure blues. I know in my heart that God is actually taking me to a whole new level (again), but you know that feeling when you've just made yourself feel so comfortable in a group, and you still want to make plans of hanging out, getting to know everyone deeper, but you can't because reality checks in, and you find yourself realizing that you've got less than a week to prepare. It somehow sucks. Honestly. Don't get me wrong, I am happy that I am leaving, it's like, wow, finally, after almost a decade in a teenager's time table, I get to do what I should have done four months ago. But, in four months a lot of things happened, plans changed, circumstances were different, and I met new friends, I found a new family aside from my own, and when finally I could feel that I belonged, that I was enjoying myself in a new environment, that I was actually happy being used for His greater glory-- snap! I have to leave. Just like that. No warnings, no signs, no everything, just the fact as it is. Three years ago I could have sworn I'd have groaned at the fast transition, but now, although I may be tempted to do so, although I do find it unfair at times, the knowing deep inside that I am where I am supposed to be, right at the exact moment of my life, gives me greater peace and joy because I know in Him nothing could go wrong. If I will meticulously analyze every change, every turn, and every step that I took, it would slowly start to sink in me that everything happens for a purpose, everything we do in Him would always bear fruit in the near or far future and even in the days to come. It has always been like that. Given all this, instead of wallowing in the corner, for the friends I will leave behind, and the ministries I have to take a break from, I praise God! I still praise Him for giving me all that I have now, and all that's in store for me ahead. Right now, I'm just thinking of my mom, and God knows how much she needs me, and I her. It's been a year since I last saw her, and the year ago was the first time I have seen her for five long years. Yes, five years, was actually that long for me! And now God is giving me another chance to see her, except this time instead of her coming to me, it's the other way around! God is just so awesome! I just pray that the rest of our family gets to have a chance to see her again too by every means possible. I honestly don't know what I'd be doing days from now especially when I'm at the airport, I have never traveled abroad, this will be my first time, and I am a bit scared, but, again, I know I shouldn't be. Guess you really can't help those pre-boarding jitters. Updates soon! I will miss you guys! credits to the ones who took these photos :)

a walk of faith

                     I've been planning to write this past week but I was just too busy with the visa follow-ups, the birth certificates that seemed to be stuck somewhere else, and everything else in between. My oh my has it been so long, and yet time just seems to fly so fast. Four months ago I thought I was just wasting my time on the impossible, that is why at the back of my head I was somehow begging for time to freeze, to slow down, to preserve itself although I knew that all those things would just make everything seem longer. I wanted my time back-- the days spent waiting for nothing, when in fact it should have been spent walking the streets of another country-- I wanted it all to rewind itself. But then the common realization that if time did stop, if I had it all back, then our papers wouldn't go anywhere, there wouldn't be progress, and I'd be stuck in the same rut throughout the whole time-- made me accept the fact that time had to go on even if I didn't want it to. Fast forward to two months later, I was now at the center of the whole fixing process, I wanted immediate results, so instead of praying for time to run slow, I now wanted time to speed up like lightning, but I guess everything that happens in life, happens for a purpose-- what I got instead of a rabbit-racing time, was time slower than a turtle-- days seemed like weeks, and weeks seemed like months. Everything felt delayed, everything felt so wrong. Time was ticking so slow I wondered if I'd ever make it in time for the deadlines that awaited me. Again, fast forward to two months later, I was at the brink of my own self, just when I thought everything was going well and was in exact timing as planned, a lot of unexplainable issues just came out of nowhere, warning me of probable disappointment, but even so I NEVER GAVE UP. Fast forward to now, just two days ago I went to the embassy thinking it wouldn't be my last time to go there because I was only going to have a follow-up of the last requirement I faxed and was also going to ask for further instructions. I went alone, yes, you read right-- for the first time, I had the courage to go alone. Before leaving the house my dad prayed over me and my trip to go well, and he CLEARLY prayed it'd be the last time I pay a visit to the embassy, I could still remember that I told him that day that it won't be the last time because I won't receive the visas yet (as I said I was just doing some follow-up work). I arrived minutes earlier than the usual schedule and I had to wait, I waited hours, and I was kinda wondering why I wasn't called, until I was the only one left in the room. I didn't even bother to ask, not until two late clients came, and they were called before my name was ever mentioned. It somehow felt stupid waiting there for hours and I don't even get to hear a mention of my name. So after the last person got called I went straight to the counter and asked if they received my paper, I was told to wait. Minutes later my name was finally called, and the guy told me they were already processing our visas and would soon mail it to our address, before my booking schedule. For a moment I was at a loss for words. I stood there like a person in a trance and I just stared at the guy behind the counter. All that information overload. It was wow. So then I went home, and minute after minute everything just started to sink in. Four months ago I never would have thought I was going to make it this far, it was beyond myself to think that, our visas that time seemed impossible, and leaving my studies was a major gamble decision I had to live with for the rest of my life. Four months ago I started learning all about being led by the Holy Spirit, it was a series teaching being preached at the church that time, and it was in perfect timing with the processing of our papers. When that teaching started I never thought it in myself that I would finish the whole series, because I thought I was leaving so soon. The visa processing only took two weeks and we had each document prepared beforehand. I never thought I'd actually finish and even apply the whole series teaching in my life, in my walk with God, and in our visas. I didn't see what was laid ahead before me but God did-- He already knew from the start that we were going to have discrepancies with our papers, He knew I needed the series teaching to act as my guide in the long road I will take, He knew everything. If not for the series teaching growing inside me I don't know what decisions I would've made months ago. The series taught me how to listen to the still small voice inside my heart that encompasses all truth and bears witness to the Holy Spirit that I have a living God. Yes, this may sound weird, but I tell you it is all truth. It was not just coincidence. It could have been if it only happened once or twice, but all throughout my journey the teaching went on and on until I have finally allowed myself to hear and to listen more to the voice every time I don't know what to do. Right from the start I knew I was going to go, I knew it in my heart that I would be travelling to Rome, but then, all those problems that arose, the discrepancies, what the facts told me, what people advised, what the experts said, they gave me doubts about our visas and it created fear in me, fear that I'd regret every decision I make. I was so confused to the point that I didn't want to think anymore, because if I was ever going to make a decision based on practicality then I shouldn't have pushed through with the papers, it was achievable by only about 30 percent compared to the 70 percent unobtainable that lingered the whole time. It was as I call it, a walk of faith. Every physical aspect of that journey yielded negativity, all the stats were down, even the 6-month deadline seemed more impossible than my skin going from tan to fair (I always compare every impossible thing to my skin because none could be more impossible than me having white skin). No one in his right mind would give up a year's studies to process something that didn't even have a 50 percent chance-- it was just crazy! The embassy specifically told us to provide the needed document in six months tops or even before that, but they also told us that there was no assurance that we could have our visas. We just tried, and we even had to literally tell people to hurry things up, because we had a deadline or something, but there was none we could do, a process was a process, and we had to wait. I had no assurance from anyone that I was going to get our visas-- no one. But I had God's word in my heart, I had peace, and I knew I was gonna have it if not the world's way, then God's way. I remember the day I had to decide whether I'd enroll or not this semester, I was crying because I didn't know what to do, then a sudden still came over me and in that instant I knew I had to give up my enrollment and just push through with the papers. As the series went on, I discovered it was God telling me things will be alright, I just had to trust Him as He leads me. In those four months I never expected I'd be making friends, let alone get involved in a ministry. I've been staying here for two years but the only friends I had were limited to five. Seriously. But as to how I gained friends, and how I got involved in the ministry, I'll do that on another post. For now, you know my story, I have to sleep, and well, be blessed. I may not know your story, you may not know it also, but I am 100 percent sure God does.

almost there

               Lately I've been so caught up with my photographs that I seem to have forgotten to update on my life-- yes my life-- including the things happening, and going about these past few weeks. Well, for starters, I've been living in and out of our place going on long trips to far away places--by far I mean an hour away by bus-- to live for a day or two at my Aunt's house because I needed help in going to and fro the Italian Embassy and National Statistics Office. I just had to stay there because believe it or not I am scared of commuting alone-- yes, the self-proclaimed traveler is actually scared of traveling alone in the big city. What an irony! I know, this sounds pretty dumb, but I just can't stand having no one by my side in a busy city full of so many strangers, I wasn't used to this kind of life, and I'm still trying to figure out how I can save other people from the inconvenience I'm causing them every time I ask for someone to go with me. It feels weird because back in Cebu I know how to find my way around the city or at least I think I do, but here in Manila it's just so wide and I think I'll get lost and when I do I won't be able to find my way back ever. I sound like a five year old.

                Putting all that aside, what also bugs me is the fact that I get frustrated whenever I'm stressed or pressured to chase after a deadline that seems impossible. Okay, cramming on plates is one thing, but chasing after the Italian Embassy's deadline is another. With plates I work on my own, with legal documents you always have to go under certain processes that for most if not all consume your time and energy. Plus you got other people working on it so you can't be assured as to how fast or how slow-paced their work is, one thing for sure is that: it always takes time. And usually what happens whenever I get frustrated is I cry-- a lot! I just feel so horrible I become mean. And that's not even a metaphor, it's a sad fact that I, along with everyone else, has to deal with. Now that you know all about my drama of fear, impatience and frustration, let's get to the good part: God at work in my life.

                Yes, yes, all that talk about how pressure can surely put a lot of weight on your shoulders is quite true-- tested and proven. But, not all stories end in tears, and I know mine surely won't end in one (or if it did, maybe with tears of joy and happiness) because God has surely shown Himself faithful throughout the whole journey even if my wavering mind almost always got in the way of my faith. I have been tested before and I am still being tested now, but it's good to know that even if I took a thousand of these life-tests God would always be guiding me in every path I only have to listen to the voice that's inside my heart. All that preaching that has been going on in the church about being led by the Holy Spirit has gotten me to this point in my life where I am becoming more and more confident in the decisions that I'm making big or small. I have always believed that everything happens for a reason and that no single thing is an accident, that is why my prolonged stay here in this country is not just some product of my parents negligence-- although to the natural eyes it may seem so-- it has a purpose and now I believe I know in my heart what that purpose is: for me to touch other lives, to become a part of something more, and to know more of God's own heart. After months of staying I realized I had a lot of things inside me that needed fixing before I go, and I needed a lot of life's realizations to sink in. When I look back I think about how my experience in Cebu has helped shape me as a person, and when I look at it now I come to realize that my experience here in Manila has also helped in building up my character. So everything that happens in our lives comes with a purpose and we don't have to worry whether  the situation is good or bad because God would always find a way to make something good out of pitch black darkness. In short, if we're in a bad situation God would do something to make it work for us, for our good. Like what He did with our visas, the situation was so bad I thought of quitting, but just when I was about to surrender and lose hope I made a decision to wait on Him and to not rely on what the estimates say because someone once preached that when God guides He blesses, and I held on to those words and I'm glad I did. Just this week I was informed that I will receive the papers I need in less than a month and to really hear that with an audible voice is just so overwhelming but I knew deep within me that it was supposed to happen because God has already blessed this trip from the moment it was planned. Waiting for a miracle to happen is one thing, but waiting on God for something to happen is another. The latter is always better, because miracles will always happen when faith is at work. So there goes my two month story put in a summary. A lot has happened, a lot of decisions have been made, a lot has been learned, but the only decision I'm glad to have made was choosing God and learning from Him.

 This is my best definition of love from the Bible and yes it has no connection whatsoever to the long paragraphs above.

God is love

     It feels good to pray! It has been a long time since I prayed a prayer like that-- sincere and just plain honest. One of the many mistakes I  have done in my life was to limit God-- I doubted each time my family prayed-- I even doubted myself, and God's faithfulness when I prayed. But that was  before I saw God's faithfulness to those that believed He was God, He is God, and He will forever be God. I think most of the time people really don't  understand the meaning of the word GOD-- we use it, we talk about it, but we don't know what it means-- we underestimate it, just like we  underestimate God ourselves. We might not be aware of that, but it's really happening. Every time someone doubts a prayer to God, he underestimates  God's power and faithfulness-- just like I did before. Every second we sin, we fail to realize that there is someone whom we do not see who is watching  every move we make-- and that someone is not just a neighbor, or a friend hidden somewhere-- we usually think the people who would catch us in the  act of shamefulness are people like us. But we thought wrong. There is someone who sees us even before we do something-- worse, he could see our  hearts-- and I'm not talking about the heart that's pumping inside our bodies-- I'm talking about the heart that holds every desire, every thought, and  every will we have. God sees beyond what human eyes could see. God knows if you're doing something out of selfishness or self-proclaimed self- righteousness. He knows everything, and He knows how unfaithful we are to Him. But He sees beyond that-- He forgives us continually even though we  sin almost everyday, He is faithful even when we neglect Him, He walks with us even if we choose to stay away from Him, God is the perfect model of  Love-- God is Love Himself, and that's a fact. Love is not merely a feeling it's a decision, because if it was just a feeling then God would've backed down  during that time when He was to be killed because every emotion in His body was telling Him to do so, but He didn't. He decided He was going to do this  even when He didn't want to, because He loved His people. And that's what we ought to do. We don't just say, "God, I love You!" because we felt like  saying so that time, or because we feel that we love Him. We should also make a decision to love Him. If we believe that Love is merely an emotion,  what would happen if our emotions tell us not to love God anymore or say,  if we felt like hating God, what happens then? Would we be ruled by what our  emotions tell us? On the other hand, making a decision is far more a serious matter than being led by the wind-- the wind is referring to our emotions.  When we decide on something, there's no turning back. No retakes, no backing out, and especially no quitting. Because when you decide, you're in it  forever.

putting faith

                                   I'm sorry. I was the one praying a sincere and very honest prayer, and yet I'm the one who worries deeply about what I have to do next, and what God is going to do. It sucks. I know. But anyway, I have decided on continuing my deep faith in God and on what He can do. I won't limit my God-- that's what I told myself earlier. Though I must say I'm a bit confused as to whether or not I should stay idle about it and not do anything. I believe that God also wants me to do my part-- have deep faith in Him and-- I don't know what to do next. Should I just sit down and relax while God is doing His thing? Or should I just make a teeny tiny move, like talking to someone or do some things. Oh my! I think I'm lost, but I also think I'm right where He wants me to be right now. Patience is something that I should learn to love and develop. God wants me to wait and see what He's going to do next-- I'm not doing that right now with all these tension inside, eager to make sure whether or not God will help me with this thing-- but I know He will. And so, I raise my hands up, look to the skies and try to stop worrying! I have put my faith in God the first time I prayed about that camera, and just because something doesn't seem to be happening yet, doesn't mean I should give up on that faith! I need to give it time, need to relax a bit and let God show His awesomeness!

-- this is still applicable to my situation now although its been a year.

what makes me human

                             Lord, please make it all right. Please let me feel confident about my future and not all this anxiousness and confusion that's robbing me of my joy. Pastor says in order for me to know where I'm going I should know where I am first, and this is where I am at the moment. Nothing seems to be where it should, and I am worried, I am tired, I am confused, and I feel miserable. Your word says, You know all the plans You have for me, plans that will not harm me, but prosper me in every way possible-- and I'm holding unto that promise, but please, make it all clear to me, let me know I'm on the right path, that I'm doing the right thing, because at this very moment, of all that is seriously happening, I feel so lost. I don't know what to expect anymore, and whenever I talk to people about the stuff happening, about my brother and I leaving, I would always get this facial response that I don't like, that I never like. It's like this expression that nothing is ever going to go right. And well now, given the negative things that come as hindrances, its so easy to believe that we're not on the right path. That this was a mistake, or somewhere along the way we dreamt too much, or maybe made irrational decisions-- decisions that are quick and not-thought of properly-- but we're already in it so deep that I feel like there's no other way out anymore. I mean with the school enrollment coming to a close, and with the visa application not really going with how we expect it to go, we're like stuck in the middle of nowhere and forced to make, to think, or act on the decisions we made-- or decisions we have to make. And it's somehow crippling, because nothing is ever constant, some days we're in, other days we're out. And it's ironic how time is flying way too fast but everything is going too slow for us-- the visa application, the matters concerned, even the solution to the discrepancies are so slow in arriving, time is already gobbling us up. And I just had to be honest about it all, because I don't want to pretend as if I know what we're doing, because right now I really don't, I have no clue, and people add more to that burden of cluelessness I feel. I feel so lost already, and others still feel the need to make us feel lost all the more. It's frustrating.

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faith

                  NO MORE STRESS. PLEASE! Can't we have just one day?-- one full day of existence without having to talk, to think, or to stress about anything? Not the visas, not the travel, not the wasted time, nor the complications, just nothing. Can't we have just one day of that liberty? We talk about favor upon favor and we believe, but the rest of the world has conjured up just enough negative vibes to make us feel everyday is a challenge-- at least that's what I feel. With time flying fast I wonder if all these hindrances, all these walls, all these booty traps we've been facing here and there and everywhere would be able to get us done in time for the deadline. Why does this even feel like a mouse race when it's not supposed to be one? Why is it when everything seems to go perfectly well, a sudden problem arises and makes it all complicated? From the clerical error, down to the RA 9048, and then the dedication to the approval of dedication certificates. I wonder what could be worse. And the main problem is not even in the documents (except for the petition paper) its the people that are the main problem. The people working here and there, the people who can't get simple things done, the people who are trying to do their jobs but fail at it, the people-- the ignorant, unspecific, and feeling "right" people. When did government employees, servants of the law and of the people, start turning to demanding bosses that think of themselves as the law? Even Jesus who is God did not come down to earth to be served, but to serve. To be able to serve others is the biggest privilege one could ever have yet none-- not even servants of the law realize that. Come on, I know we are all humans, imperfect, and at times we are simply tired, but that is no good reason for someone especially someone working for the government to get all demanding and fired up for a simple document. It's a good thing that amidst all this stress, all these troubles, and all these worries we face ten times a day, we know our God is faithful, our God is greater, and our God is more than willing to turn around this situation for us. The rest of the world may put worry and disappointment on a platter for us, but everything happens for a reason, and God always has the right timing for everything even for reasons we do not yet know. So this day I decided I will not be stressed, I will not think about it, I will not fear, because I know I have Someone big who is up there to back me up when I need some backing up.

the Christmas I definitely looked forward to

                 Finally! After a very Merry Christmas, I am so glad to be back home where there's unlimited sleep (nobody bothers to wake me up I can have the bed all to myself for twenty-four hours a day seven days a week), no worries with eating too much (because I don't eat when I don't feel like eating and everybody's okay with that), and the very cliche I-can-be-whoever-I-want-to-be-and-nobody-has-to-care line I have strongly applied in my life for the past eighteen years that I have lived it. Ha! I don't have to be all stuffed up with emotions kept only to myself, I don't have to mind every single expression I make, I don't have to refrain from laughing out loud, I don't have to be somebody else; someone not even close to the real me. I only have to be myself (whoever that is) and I wouldn't worry on being mistaken as rude, I wouldn't be bothered if I were to be misjudged by others, I wouldn't have to live my life based on the standards set by other people for me because I am comfortable where I am at the moment. No, I didn't have the worst Christmas that could have triggered this not-so-merry start of a post, in fact I very much enjoyed my Christmas (believe it or not)-- I just had realizations that I needed to share, emotions that needed to be let out, and of course, my side of the story.

                    Okay, so maybe that last pre-christmas post seemed awful and just plain horrible-- I mean, just look at the last part where I do all that ranting about how messed up I felt because of my dad-- it's really, really, awful, especially when I read it now I'm like: How did I end up saying those things? Or what just happened back there? It's all too vague a memory to remember. The truth is, I was at that time writing about getting a book and getting all too hyped up with my very first Christmas in this new place. While I was busy doing my own thing, in my own space, my dad suddenly comes up to me and begins his own litany of words I don't understand or let me rephrase that: litany of words I don't ever want to understand. It's that every-other-day routine of negativism, self-pity and discouragement that I don't want to be a part of. Sure, I can listen, I can pay attention. But what I can't stand is the fact that it gets repeated over and over again and you feel like it's time to say: "Hey Dad, that's enough. It's not what you think it is-- you try your best to reason out, and maybe try to make him think about what he is saying or doing. But in the end your efforts fail because you get pissed, you blow up, and you end up having your every-other-day routine of yelling and shouting at each other. It's what I call world's-worst-conversations-ever--- as in ever. I don't know why I even bother to state my side, or why I even bother letting him consider both sides of the situation because I get blown up in the face at the end and it's either I fight back and cry like a child (like that last time) or I just get bored and walk out-- in which either way it all seems disrespectful for a parent (and I wasn't even trying to be disrespectful!). Lesson learned: don't ever try to reason out with parents because whatever your cause is they don't ever want to hear their own self agreeing to what you think is right because they think otherwise (at least that's what mine does).

                     Well, after all that ruckus I got to say what I needed to say. I got hurt. I cried. I quieted down. And later on I was pretty much able to conceal the sudden pain I had at the sound of those words.  But I'm still pissed though, because never in my whole life have I been labeled as such-- I felt like wow so that's what I really am to you Dad-- but then I have to move on because a few more days and it will be the start of yet another journey for me and I wouldn't want to start that journey with bitterness in my heart. So as far as this blog goes, I lay all my emotions down on this post, hoping that what I felt will remain as is-- words on a blog post-- nothing more.

                     As for my first Christmas here, it was the best-est thing I have ever experienced! (if there ever was a word greater than best) I got to experience the act of selfless love and sharing first hand and it was oh-so-awesome! Of course I was a bit biased when I said I got to experience the act of selfless love, because I received so many gifts! *insert happy face+biggest smile here* Never have I thought that my fucked-up-christmas-feeling would slowly disappear when we arrived at my Uncle's house. To be honest, I was only trying to mask whatever excess baggage I had at the moment because I didn't want to ruin other peoples' feeling of joy and love on Christmas day just because I has a misunderstanding with my dad, little did I know that my small "act" would turn into reality because I for an unknown reason (maybe it was because of the real deal behind Christmas-- Jesus Christ) felt happy. I mean, it was like later on, as I got along with everyone and talked with everyone I forgot what I was feeling and I got to really exercise the Christmas Spirit. I was laughing and cracking jokes like nothing happened before we got there. Thank you God, I believe it was because of Him because for one fact, I wasn't close with them (my father's side of the family) I only had a few selected people that I had close friendships with because of the geographical barrier we all have to deal with, and they were miles away. But, I got along with them (the ones that were there with me this Christmas) just fine. I know, I've said too much already. Point is, He is my greatest gift this Christmas because He gave me more than enough joy, and that joy was the main ingredient to making my Christmas worthwhile.

                     Before I end my post for this Christmas let me show you some of the photos I took during our Christmas celebration, I hope these will inspire others knowing that no matter how unfair life may seem there is always a God who cares enough to make little-unnoticeable miracles happen.

These are random shots I took of the Christmas decorations inside my Uncle's home. feeling CHRISTMASSY already?

               This one here is the Cake which was bought by the girlfriend of my cousin Kuya Matthew. It was bought from Tous les Jours-- I don't know where that is but one thing I know, they sure do make quality cakes! :3 yum 

                 This one Santa over here is my cousin by the way, sorry for the crappy shot-- I was in a hurry to take this one because he was moving and playing with the other kids all around the house.

                        And let's not forget yours truly :) These shots were taken by my brother just outside the house we live in-- and I have no idea what pose I'm supposed to be making in these photos. I guess these are also random poses. Haha!

                       My Christmas post ends here. Just when I thought everything seemed to have gone wrong God was there all along, He turned my situation around for the better. Truly Christmas is more than just the gifts and the meal shared together it is more than a commemoration of the birth of Christ-- it is the celebration of the fact that He lived to die for us and our sins, He rose again, and now He is ever present in our lives not just during Christmas but every single day even before the world began. Have a Merry Christmas folks!