annual nostalgia

         I feel nostalgic. It's like I woke up and went 2 years back in time, to the day that almost changed my life forever. I suddenly feel the presence of someone that wasn't there, I remember the broken promises that were forgotten long ago, flashes of the special days from the past lingered in my head. Then I suddenly remembered someone's birthday. I remember it was a Sunday, and I could hardly celebrate the day with him. The blurred images were now becoming clearer, the excuses I made up were now louder in my head, the disappointment was clear. Then there I was, feeling it all again. The lies, deception, everything else that seemed to matter two years ago. I hope you're okay by now, hope you've already forgiven my faults and moved on with your life cause I have. I realized everything that happened in my life had a purpose and  it really was for the better. If I hadn't done what I did, I don't know where I would be right now. Wouldn't even be able to picture out my future ahead of me, cause if I had taken the wrong turn or so things could have gotten worse. But then again, there's no such thing as the wrong turn cause eventually no matter how I get mixed up in wrong turns and crooked paths God will still bring me to it if its really my destiny, the catch is that its either I have to arrive using the easy way or the hard way. This day has just been so weird and so confusing. Maybe its because every once a year I remember my long forgotten past and I remember the guy who made me cry and change my life eventually.  Remembering all of it, I guess it makes me kinda sick in a way that I have to figure out if I'm having hormonal imbalance. 

-- wrote this a year and a half ago. Yes, it's that old. And yes, it's an annual thing for me-- this nostalgia.