random cold days

                   We just changed our daylight saving time yesterday and we deducted an hour from the time. So that leaves another hour to add to the timezone gap between Rome and the Philippines. Actually as I researched it says the actual daylight saving was on March and it ended yesterday, anyways I don't really get it, and all I know is that the 6-hour difference between Philippine time and Rome time is now a 7-hour interval. Along with the time change came the weather change, everything was cold, gray, and pre-wintery yesterday. I don't know about you but one layer of undershirt, coupled with two layers of thick wool plus scarf is actually heavy, not to mention the layer of stocking, leggings, and socks that I had on that day-- but all of those layers seemed pretty foolish to the gnawing cold that would slap you when you step outside the house. I don't even know why I still felt the ice-cold wind down to my bones, when I was actually wearing more layers than usual. Now I understand why people rarely bathe here and that is not an understatement-- it is so effin cold. Well of course with the heater on I guess it's not that cold, it's even hotter, but we haven't had our heaters turned on yet, they say it's a thing done by the management of the apartment we are living in and usually it happens on the second week of November. So I guess I'll just have to wait for that day. Moving on to other news, it's been a month since I stepped foot on Rome, and needless to say I'm proud I actually made it this long-- ugh, has it really been just a month? Because I feel like it's been months, and it's been dragging, and it's taking way too long for my papers to move. Two days ago I made the boldest decision of my life, to face someone I was not prepared to face, and let me just say it was a complete and utter disaster. After that, I realized some things which will probably act as main factors as to how I shall live my life from now on. But, on the bigger and most important note, I was deeply hurt by the insincerity I saw in the person's eyes. The person so close to me, I realized is dead, and is replaced by someone I don't know anymore. I tried to fight for the person with all of my will, with all of my heart, only to be disappointed at the end because the person I thought I was fighting for, is long gone. And it's useless trying to reach out and even trying other crazy, desperate measures  to save someone dear to you because sometimes, there is just nothing you can do about it anymore. I'm tired. I'm fed up. I'm just plain exhausted. Who would want to continually fight for someone who isn't even there? It's completely absurd, but what's even more absurd is the situation I am in right now. I try to close my eyes, hurt myself, and even convince myself that it's all just a bad dream, but unfortunately how can you wake those who are already wide awake? The irony of my life! My friends were right, all my life I've been living in a cave, isolated by my own principles, by my own cautions, that when the time came for me to see and experience the world for real I could barely stand up on my own two feet because of the trauma that I've experienced. The world is not something I should stay away from, it's something I now believe, I should experience firsthand. All this caution and this belief that I don't need to do what other people do, has made me so secluded, so innocent, and so vulnerable. So now, I will live my life, I will try new things, I will step outside the box you made me live in for years, and you will regret the day you ever made me see the world for real, the day you traded me for cheap love-- because that day, you lost me completely. I will love, I will get hurt, I will fight. I will not be afraid to fall in love anymore, who cares if he will be my first boyfriend ever-- I don't give a damn, not now, not in the future. Nineteen years wasted on principles that never helped me in my time of desperation, and desertion. I won't be a coward, I will be whoever I want to be, do whatever I want to do, and I won't think of future regrets, because I will only get to live my life once. Before I didn't favor the You-Only-Live-Once lifestyle that everybody else is raving about, but after seeing the world and how cruel it really is, I realized that I only have one life, and it would be such a waste to not use every strand of that life to its full potential. Therefore thank you because you opened up my eyes to every heart-breaking, life-tearing, truth-- you will forever be remembered as the one who took away my very soul. I forgive you for your humanity and your weaknesses, but it will never be the same, none of it will ever be the same again.