silent no more

                        I've been silent for quite some time now, in hopes that the silence would heal me-- but it never did. The more I allowed myself to be engrossed in deafening silence, the more I started to feel like I'm losing myself. I am fine now, well I'm trying to be at least. All the words left unsaid, partly said, or said without definite voice kept piling up into this huge garbage, that I someday fear would drown me. I have come to fear a lot of things, and one thing about me that family and friends know is that I am not a coward-- I do not bow down to any kind of fear, past, future or present, physical, nor emotional. I do not fear rejection, I do not fear my past mistakes, I do not fear the future, and I do not fear death. But now times have changed and I have come to fear everything all at once. The way I see it now, coming here to Rome was a huge mistake, the biggest I've ever made so far. A mistake that I'd have to live with for the rest of my life. But things happen just like that, and no matter how unclear the purpose is to me, I believe my God is busy working behind the scenes, doing His best to make everything work together for my good, and my family's. I may be at my weakest right now, but one day when all of this is over and done, I will arise stronger and braver. I will be back to normal, having the strong, smart, loving, understanding, and jolly self that I once had,  filled with joy and peace overflowing from the inside to the outside. So thank you, to the people who stood, and are still standing for, by, and with me, who believes in me, who cares for me, and who prays for me. Indeed in life there are no battles won alone.