adventures with ness

                 I've been in a pensive mood lately, for four days now actually. Trying to reflect on something I just recently discovered, on whether I should fight for it, or just let it go. Some things are just hard to fathom really, and the more you force yourself to grasp the reality of something, the more it leads you to believe that the reality you're believing in is nothing but a mere lie. Someday this will all be settled, and when it's time, I shall tell of why there was a point in my life when I wished nothing more but to get drunk on my first beer, get addicted to my first cigarette, and get high with my first weed. But for now, I shall only tell of my adventures with a new friend I've come to know more, and love more while I am in this new place-- Ness.

this is Vanessa, I call her Nessa, or Ness for short.

her smiles remind me so much of a dear friend-- Kaye.

yes, she's a bit crazy also, like me.

               We went to EUR FERMI, a place in Rome, a bit far from the center of Rome, actually this place is the second to the last stop on the Metro going to Laurentina. I think this was shot last week, we were planning to have an autumn shoot but when I saw the place everything was so green, it felt like spring instead of autumn. The seasons here are kind of confusing, it's supposed to be autumn already but there are days when it's still hot outside, and leaves haven't even changed colors yet. There are also days when it's so cold you could wear up to three layers of clothing and still feel the gnawing cold. I blame global warming. The earth is not the same earth anymore, and the results are now becoming more visible. Moving on, we decided that since we can't have our autumn shoot, then we should at least have some fun and just play around and that's exactly what we did-- be goofballs and all. It was so fun, I arrived home a bit late that night meaning 7 p.m since the traveling distance was a bit far. So there you are, I actually was more of a "model" than a photographer during this fun shoot because I have more photos than Ness! And that is why, in between shots my mind would be nostalgic and remember my friends back in Cebu, especially Kaye, because she was always the first to be confident in me and push me to smile for her as she takes a shot of me. If you are reading this Kaye, I miss you! Here is one shot of me which I really like.

And here are the rest of our photos. Thank you Ness for taking great photos of me! That is all. More updates soon, I'm planning on making a video, taking a lot of random bus rides, and having more of my Rome experience because I need a break from all this negative vibe that is going on.

old city

               Cold, striking, semi-winter wind blowing in through the open window. I listen to the mellow, slow songs playing loud on the computer, and to the car engines running outside on the street, feeding the nostalgic breeze inside the room. Earlier I went to Piramide (a place here in Rome), and I was alone. It wasn't my first time to travel alone nor to the ride the metro bus by myself, I've been doing that for quite some time now ever since I got here, but it was my first time to go to this particular place without someone to accompany me. Usually I travel alone when I'm just going from the apartment to the agency, which is near Termini, the major public transport capital in central Rome. When traveling to places aside from Termini and the agency I need to have someone with me and earlier seemed a bit courageous for a scaredy-cat like myself. I guess it's totally different from when I was in the Philippines, I always had someone to go with me, and I could always ask people around for directions or help-- here it seems difficult especially with the language barrier and all. I only know of a few Italian words and I couldn't even finish a statement much less ask for directions to anywhere. But it's been better though, better than the feeling when I first came here. I could say I have accepted the reality that would take years to accept and I managed within days of my arrival.

my mom

                  Rome is so beautiful when I look at it from an artist's perspective, an old city coming to life right in front of your very eyes, who wouldn't marvel at such beauty? Chapping paint, rusty metal marks, old-but-sturdy-walls, and exquisite relief on nearly every building and every column. It's heaven for every architecture enthusiast. If only I could have lived then, when private vehicles didn't crowd the sides of the streets, when people never feared of thieves and pick pockets roaming everywhere, back to the time when the old city had old life. Now it seems that the old is colliding with the new, and the new is trying to fit in the old. Regardless, it still is an amazing mix-up of both worlds, and it still is magical. Above are pictures from my first encounter with Rome, from the moment I stepped outside the apartment to the trip to Colosseum, Fontana di Trevi, Repubblica and my first night in Rome. I'll post more decent photos when I get the chance, I've been so busy with my documents again-- when will this cycle of paper-processing ever end?

going away

                I don't even know where to start. I've been wanting so much to do a quick update on the fast track of events happening in my life, but I fail every time I think about the words to say. First things first though, I want to thank God for the faithfulness He has manifested in my life, and in my walk with Him. I never would have imagined the last week to be so blissful and just so fast-- like thunder and lightning. I never would have thought I would build relationships with people I now call friends much less be saddened by my own going away trip. It does bug me that I have to leave right away-- but God does have the perfect timing for everything in our lives. And though I may not know why or how, I know that in all things I can trust Him. The days from now, feel like a sleep away and everything just seems to pass by so fast, I feel like I am pressured to keep up! Yes, I am going to Rome. I have finished all that there is to finish regarding the requirements, the documents, and I am therefore eligible for travel. Yey! Sounds cool and exciting right? Well, it is actually, but believe it or not, I am somehow having the pre-departure blues. I know in my heart that God is actually taking me to a whole new level (again), but you know that feeling when you've just made yourself feel so comfortable in a group, and you still want to make plans of hanging out, getting to know everyone deeper, but you can't because reality checks in, and you find yourself realizing that you've got less than a week to prepare. It somehow sucks. Honestly. Don't get me wrong, I am happy that I am leaving, it's like, wow, finally, after almost a decade in a teenager's time table, I get to do what I should have done four months ago. But, in four months a lot of things happened, plans changed, circumstances were different, and I met new friends, I found a new family aside from my own, and when finally I could feel that I belonged, that I was enjoying myself in a new environment, that I was actually happy being used for His greater glory-- snap! I have to leave. Just like that. No warnings, no signs, no everything, just the fact as it is. Three years ago I could have sworn I'd have groaned at the fast transition, but now, although I may be tempted to do so, although I do find it unfair at times, the knowing deep inside that I am where I am supposed to be, right at the exact moment of my life, gives me greater peace and joy because I know in Him nothing could go wrong. If I will meticulously analyze every change, every turn, and every step that I took, it would slowly start to sink in me that everything happens for a purpose, everything we do in Him would always bear fruit in the near or far future and even in the days to come. It has always been like that. Given all this, instead of wallowing in the corner, for the friends I will leave behind, and the ministries I have to take a break from, I praise God! I still praise Him for giving me all that I have now, and all that's in store for me ahead. Right now, I'm just thinking of my mom, and God knows how much she needs me, and I her. It's been a year since I last saw her, and the year ago was the first time I have seen her for five long years. Yes, five years, was actually that long for me! And now God is giving me another chance to see her, except this time instead of her coming to me, it's the other way around! God is just so awesome! I just pray that the rest of our family gets to have a chance to see her again too by every means possible. I honestly don't know what I'd be doing days from now especially when I'm at the airport, I have never traveled abroad, this will be my first time, and I am a bit scared, but, again, I know I shouldn't be. Guess you really can't help those pre-boarding jitters. Updates soon! I will miss you guys! credits to the ones who took these photos :)